


Snap

by Enchantable



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Disabled Character, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 07:52:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19146706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enchantable/pseuds/Enchantable
Summary: “Yes, but, not just for that. Thanks for coming after me. For being here,” he’s not sure what he’s saying, “just, thank you.”





	Snap

**Author's Note:**

> Original Prompt: “Maybe it could be easier for you to pretend I hadn’t made it back from war.” Absolutely love your Malex writing, wood love to read your spin on this one!

Alex doesn’t like his birthday.

He never has.

The last one he was in a coma for so that solved that. But this one is the worst. Easily. It shouldn’t be, arguably he’s never felt so loved on his birthday in his entire life. He has presents and there was a cake and everyone sang to him. Inside one of the bags is a pair of boots. They are gorgeous. All dark leather and there’s even alligator on the sides. Alex can’t wear them without a special attachment for his foot and just like that the world comes crashing back down. All because of a stupid pair of boots. He feels ridiculous even as he sits down on the bed to toe off his shoes. He thinks he passes off pretty well until there’s a gentle knock on the door.

“What went wrong?” Michael questions, tugging off his hat.

“Nothing,” Alex says, “the party was over.”

“You were good but I saw you,” Michael tells him, “what’s wrong?”

Alex looks down.

He’s not used to someone arguing his silence. His entire life he’s been taught that if he keeps quiet, things will go away. It’s hard when you spend you entire life praying someone will see to suddenly be faced with it and to feel like something’s being taken away. He’s  _irrationally_  angry. At the world, at his past. In one heart stopping moment he’s even mad at the beautiful man standing in front of him fiddling with the edge of his hat and trying to figure out what’s wrong.

“Alex?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he admits.

Michael looks confused. It’s better than how he usually looks when Alex tries to shut things like this down. He doesn’t look resigned. Like it’s how the world should be. He looks confused like he doesn’t understand. Alex tastes something like betrayal in the back of his throat at the look. Not communicating is something they’re both trying so hard at, this feels like he’s letting Michael down in some way.

“Okay,” Michael says slowly, “can I stay?”

Alex turns before he can glare. He refuses—refuses—to tell Michael no. He won’t do that but saying yes seems equally impossible. So he nods and moves into the kitchen. Michael hovers in the awkward space before he quickly follows him and Alex fights the urge to tell him to get out before any of his ugliness he’s managed to protect Michael from comes through. He braces his arms on the sink instead and tries to calm himself down. Michael, at least, knows enough to give him space. To keep quiet, which is something he hates. Alex feels his old self loathing roar up.

“Maybe it’d be easier for you to pretend I hadn’t made it back from war.”

Michael pales and Alex knows it’s a low blow. They’ve been building towards this for longer than either wants to admit. They can’t fight like normal couples. They can’t do anything like normal couples. It’s one step forward and two steps back with them. Always. None of which is helped by the fact that moving in with someone when you guard your own space with your life is, well, really hard. But instead of lashing out like he’s expecting, Michael goes chillingly calm.

“Take that back,” Michael says.

“Tell me it’s not true,” Alex says, “tell me it wouldn’t be easier if I hadn’t made it back. Tell me your life wouldn’t be better—“

“I’m an alien, Alex! I’m literally out of this world. If one of us was destined for an easier, normal life it sure as hell isn’t me,” he says, “and even if it was it’s not like I want normal,” Alex opens his mouth, “do not say what you’re about to say. We talked about this.”

Alex doesn’t like being told what to do. Especially not in a place he considers his own. He wants to crawl on that low ground. He wants to catalogue everything wrong that Michael has done in the name of nice and normal, not being with someone with one leg and a shower stool and the inability to always sleep through the night. Who can’t even be happy at a useless present. Michael might be an alien but on the surface he could pass for just another attractive guy. Perfect and nicely normal. Meanwhile Alex has more baggage than he knows what to do with. And Michael won’t even give him the courtesy of a fight. He’s got to be the more mature one. Suddenly Alex is very, very tired.

“Yeah,” he says, “we did.”

“What’s going on?” Michael asks as Alex drops into the chair, “Alex!” He scrambles over and drops down to the same level, peering at him anxiously and Alex wants to tell him to back off but can’t find the words, “what’s—“  
  
“I’m fine,” Alex says, “just stop.”

Being told to stop isn’t something Michael is great with. Historically speaking. Michael is a man of action, he always has been. Alex is too, but he also likes to think things through. Which is how he gets into situations where there are so many thoughts in his head that he doesn’t know where to look first. It’s like being in a hole and having the dirt pour in and not knowing how to get out. He doesn’t have the words to explain to Michael that it’s as much a sinkhole in the quiet as it is when they’re fight. But at least he knows what to do with the fighting. He’s just frustrated and he promised Michael he’d stop running. He doesn’t want to break that promise.

He just really, really wishes he was normal.

Instead it feels like he’s ruined his own birthday for another endless year. Unable to just crouch there, Michael moves towards the presents. Still too smart for his own good. Alex wishes they were both a lot stupider as he picks up the bag. That’s the stupid, worst part of this. Alex can’t even fathom what Michael did to get him the boots. Shame wells up in him as he looks down at the gift. Michael drags a chair over to him and sits down, setting the bag on the ground and reaching in. Alex realizes that he’s going to have to explain the issue as Michael takes out the box. Carefully Michael pulls off the lid and pulls out one of the boots and holds it out to him. Alex opens his mouth to say something, but then he sees the glint of metal inside of it. Alex’s fingers tremble slightly as he reaches inside and feels the pylon.

There’s a foot in his boot.

Alex’s eyes flood. There’s a foot in his boot and It’s hard to wrap his head around it. He thought that Michael got him a gift he could never use, forgetting completely that if anyone would understand and anticipate something like this it’d be Michael. He pulls his hand away. This time Michael follows, winding up crouched back in front of him so they’re on the same level.

“I never wished you didn’t come back from war,” Michael says, “I wish you didn’t feel that way,” Alex looks down and Michael ducks, “but I don’t.”

“I’m sorry,” Alex says, “I—“

“I couldn’t look at a guitar for years after what happened with my hand,” Michael cuts in gently, “I get it.”

“I didn’t want to ruin everything,” Alex says.

“You didn’t,” Michael tells him, “you didn’t,” Alex doesn’t believe him, “I figured you didn’t see. I should’ve said something.“

“I should’ve looked,” Alex says.

Michael ducks his head as they speak at the same time, both trying to take the blame. The shame and anger give way to embarrassment at a snap judgement. Michael pulls the chair closer and sits so they’re pressed together. Alex forces himself not to shy away from the touch but it’s surprisingly easy as Michael pulls him closer. And once he’s there, it’s not as bad as he’s bracing himself for it to be. But it’s Michael, that’s how things are with them. Being together is always better and easier than being apart, it just usually takes a moment for them to realize that.

“Thank you,” Alex says.

“You’re welcome. You need a pair of boots.”

Alex chuckles.

“Yes, but, not just for that. Thanks for coming after me. For being here,” he’s not sure what he’s saying, “just, thank you.”

Michael softens and pulls him closer and Alex presses his face into the warm skin of his shoulder. All of this is new, accepting comfort and love and thoughtful gifts. It’s new. For both of them. He’s not the only one who hates his birthday. But just for this moment things feel good. With Michael’s cheek pressed to his head and their arms around each other.

“Stay?” Alex asks.

Michael nods against his head.


End file.
